Thought I would share a few of today’s stories from one of my favorite sources of news and comedic relief, The Onion- America’s Finest News Source. Their humor always rings so true.

Here is President Bush’s reaction to the election day news: “Can I stop being President now?”

News in brief features this bit on how a black man just received the worst job in the nation:

As part of his duties, the black man will have to spend four to eight years cleaning up the messes other people left behind. The job comes with such intense scrutiny and so certain a guarantee of failure that only one other person even bothered applying for it.

And probably my favorite, is this Election Glossary to help any of us who were a little confused about this ritualistic political process we like to call a presidential campaign. Here are a few of the best:

• convention: The best four-day-long chance a politically active, overweight Kia salesman from Tulsa has to nail one of them blond Fox anchors.

• likability– The degree to which each candidate is able to hide the extent to which he or she is full of shit.

• platform– (a) A list of the subjects that candidates are willing to discuss. (b) A raised structure, almost entirely covered by flags, upon which candidates are placed.